my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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