is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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