I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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