Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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