....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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