Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
