Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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