hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
