The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
