Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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