I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
