my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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