if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
