im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
