Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
