Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
