Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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