She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
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