I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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