it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
