I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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