at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
