How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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