During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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