just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
