Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
