I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
