i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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