In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
