dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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