Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
