Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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