Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
God I need to hump something, right now.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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