but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
