Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
