Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
