Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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