the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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