haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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