hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
