I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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