Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
