Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
