Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Randomize
