She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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