I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
