went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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