I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
