If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
