If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
