I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I love you. Go after that dick
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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