Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
