we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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