Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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