Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
