So drunk its hurt
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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